Tuesday 24 April 2012

Commission to introduce legislation to combat invading alien species

The Commission has decided to table draft legislation to combat invading alien species ("IAS").

"Of course, it's not an eventuality that we expect to occur, but as scientists uncover an increasing number of planets in the habitable, or "Goldilocks", zone of their solar systems, we must consider the possibility of intelligent life, including hostile extra-terrestrials," said a Commission spokesperson for the DG Home Affairs earlier today. "While we hope that any first contact will be peaceful, we cannot neglect our duty by failing to plan for the worst. Therefore in the third quarter of this year, the Commission will unveil its legislative proposal on invasive legislative species."

This proposal has been included in the Commission's work plan for the year (page 9, PDF).
"Naturally this is only part of our comprehensive policy towards extra-terrestrial life forms. We are currently drawing up border measures to deal with alien immigration and asylum claims, including prototype specialised finger - or appendage - scanners. We must bear in mind that despite the economic crisis, the EU remains the richest market in the Solar System, and therefore we need workable borders along with national integration plans. We're confident that our proposals will find a receptive audience in the Council and Parliament."
Despite this, the UK government has already signalled that it will not opt into any Schengen scheme on aliens, stating that the UK needed to patrol its own sovereign borders.

"In the event of first contact, we are able to immediately heighten controls on the Channel Tunnel," said a UK official. "However, we will consult politically with our European neighbours on this issue, and explore the possibility of clarifying the definition of "human" in the European Convention on Human Rights."

He added, "While deportation to the planet of origin might not be so economical based on our current rocket technology, we are currently working on a treaty with Jordan that may prove to be mutually benefical."

(Ok, so it's obviously about biodiversity and not alien aliens, but, hey, I missed out on April Fools).

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